For when you’re frustrated at “not being there yet” (& how to honor the business you have right now)

This transcript has been automatically created and minimally edited/formatted. As such, there may be some errors in the text.
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[Episode preview]
There is so much power in honoring where we are, what we have right here right now because even though there’s a part of us who just wants to be there already, who just wants things to be easy. This way of thinking, this am I not there yet? Often takes us out of the present, diminishes the value of what we are presently doing and experiencing and ends up frankly blinding us to opportunity, to possibility and sometimes even to joy, what actually has happened. Where are you actually? And what are you going to make the journey to where you are today? Mean you get to choose.
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[Podcast Intro]
Hey, welcome to the Sustainable Success podcast. This is your home for honest conversations about building and running an online business that brings you as much joy as it does revenue. I’m Carly Jo Bell, the Sustainable Success mentor and your guide on this journey with self trust as your North Star and foundations under your feet, you’ll be able to look external for ideas, internal, for answers and build your business your way. Let’s dive in.
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[Episode begins]
So my high school self showed up in my business the other day, I was working with one of my coaches and, yep. High School Carly, she showed a write up. You see, I am recording this episode obviously in the last few months of 2023. And if I’m being totally honest with you, the last two years have been really freaking tough. They’ve been so challenging. I’m like, I don’t even know where to, like, go with that. What to tell you about that because it’s just been so much, I’m like laughing with tears in my eyes as I think about it. It’s been tough personally, professionally. There’s just, there’s been a lot of hard things. So in this one coaching session that I just had with one of my coaches, we found a thread, a bit of an unhelpful pattern that honestly, as soon as like we uncovered it, I realized that this thread has basically tied together and been present throughout my entire life. It is a very, like I said, unhelpful pattern. It’s something that I need to heal. It’s something that honestly, again, looking back, I see like, wow, this has held me back in so many ways across so many different areas of my life. And when we uncovered this, my immediate response after of course, initial tears that came once we connect all the dots, you know, in my immediate response was, uh but I just want it to be easy. I don’t want another hard thing. Like, why can’t I just be there already. Why does it have to be so hard? Why do I have to do one more thing? Like, oh my gosh, I got so angsty. I was so frustrated and of course, like, I’m also laughing the entire time that I’m saying these things and having this response because I’m able to recognize like, wow, this is hilarious that like literally high school Carly is showing up here and I am in a very much an adult body, but like here she is nonetheless, you know, so I’m laughing, my coach is laughing but like also at the same time, all of these sentences, all of these statements are so true. Like, what the fuck? Why is there yet another thing? And you know, my coach was so wonderful. She responded, how very human of you, how very human of you to have this response. And of course, I mean, how very human of me indeed, like this is being a human, like you have these experiences where you’re like, I just want things to finally be easy and it’s frustrating and you’ve done so many hard things already. And I was like, why is this new thing coming up? And so yes, how very humid of me? And I want to bring this to you here today because how many times have you just wanted to be there already? How many times have you realized that? Yep. Here is yet another hard, challenging, difficult, annoying thing to face how many times have you been frustrated by where you are in your business today? But also frustrated and maybe overwhelmed by all the things that you are trying to do now to get to where you want to go to. The point where trying to do anything to change where you are right now is out of the question because you’re putting so much effort into trying to get to where you want to go. How many times have you felt a bit powerless or felt like you’re in that awkward stage between I know that I am capable of creating the life and results and experience that I desire. But also, I don’t know how to make that happen right now. For me, this energy that is honestly very familiar to me. I’ve felt this so many times in the last five plus years of business and frankly in other areas of life before being a business owner as well. For me, this energy feels reminiscent of high school Carly. So that’s why I said like high school Carly showed up. But for you, this energy might feel reminiscent of some other period of your life. Either way, I think we all all experience this energy and I know that I know that place. I know that energy, I know it so well. And also I know there is so much power in owning and honoring the business that we have today right here in this very moment. Even if that includes challenging, annoying. Yet another thing there is still so much power in honoring where we are what we have right here right now because even though there’s a part of us who just wants to be there already, who just wants things to be easy this way of thinking this like, oh why am I not there yet? Often takes us out of the present, diminishes the value of what we are presently doing and experiencing and ends up frankly blinding us to opportunity to possibility and sometimes even to joy. So today, I want to invite you to honor the business that you have today to honor exactly where you are today. Even if it’s not where you want to be, even if your business is not where you want it to be. Can you honor the business that you have today? I have a process for this. So it’s not just me saying do this, but I’m not gonna tell you how I have a process that I’ve done myself many times that I lead clients through and this kind of, I just wanna be there already. Energy pops up or why is this so hard energy? I invite you to follow along with me today in honoring your present day business, whether you are currently in that may be angsty energy or not. And of course, I mean, if or should I say when you do find yourself in that angsty energy in the future. I really invite you to return to this episode and walk through this process again, because again, there is so much power in honoring the business that we have today in honoring where we are right now in this very moment. Not least because it helps us to enjoy today. But also because honoring the business we have today builds our capacity to honor and enjoy the business that we have tomorrow and the next day and the next day and even it builds our capacity to honor and enjoy the business that we have when we quote unquote, get to wherever it is that we are trying to get to. We’re gonna talk more about all that at the end though. So hang tight on that one. OK. How do we honor the business we have today? There are three kind of like core steps I would say that I like to take. Although of course, it gets to be a very flowy process. You get to trust yourself. What feels good? What doesn’t feel good? What do you want to take? What do you wanna leave? Look external for ideas, internal, for answers. I’m sharing some ideas here. You do what you want to with them. Of course, there’s no one right way to honor the business that you have today. Here’s what I would do. Really, for me, it all starts by recognizing and really actually allowing yourself to recognize that you are not there yet. And alongside that recognition that you are not there yet, you get to recognize that even though you’re not there, you are here. Even though you are not where you want to be in the future, you have still gotten somewhere and you get to choose what you want to make the journey to getting to this place. Mean we are all always both coming from somewhere and going somewhere else. So sure you might not be there yet, but look at where you are, look at how far you have come. I want you to think back for a moment to let’s say a year ago, think back to where you were, what you were doing, how you were feeling. What was the you of one year ago dreaming about what was the you of one year ago feeling stressed or overwhelmed about what was the you of one year ago committing to and what were you releasing? I’ll bet that this year that you have just experienced this one year of life that you’ve just experienced isn’t at all what your one year younger self would have imagined that it would be and that might be in a good way, might be in a challenging way and yet still regardless of how great or not so great this last year was, I will bet that there were things that happened that you could not expect and could not have expected. But can we recognize that the events of this past year, in many ways, allowed you to get to where you are today. I have a story that I’ll share about that in a moment. But first I invite you to now go even further back. You choose, when I don’t really care, you choose, you’re going to go farther back in your life. Allow your inner wisdom to direct you, trust yourself to know the right for you answer. Go even farther back into your life to a moment in time where you wouldn’t have even been able to fathom the life that you are living today, where this version of you would not even be able to fathom all of these things that you’ve accomplished. The cool people that you’ve met the way that you’ve handled hard things, the dreams that you’ve already achieved, the new dreams that you are dreaming. And can you imagine yourself as you are today? Walking back in time to this younger self and showing them a movie of your life today? Watch their face light up at the realization that this is the life that they will get to live. Watch their eyes open wide when they realize all of the amazing things that they are going to accomplish, watch them gasp with glee that they finally did. That one thing that they had been hoping for so long that they could do. Yes, you might also watch them express some sadness over some of the hard or the unexpected things. And if that’s the case, I invite you to comfort them in that and to allow your adult self to really take ownership of the fact that life does not turn out perfectly. And yet there is still beauty. Can your younger self see the beauty amidst the imperfections? I’m inviting you to look back both within this last year, but also even further than that to whatever age that works for you, I’m inviting you to look back because in the looking back, we get to choose what meaning we want to make of the things that have happened. Whereas so often when we’re just in our present situation, especially in our present situation that it’s like this has been so hard. Why is this happening? Why can’t it just be easy? Why am I still dealing with this? It’s so easy to just almost begin to feel like a little bit of a victim to your present reality and to feel like everything is going wrong or why is this still happening? And, and to not be able to contextualize what is happening right now within the journey of your life. Whereas when we look back, we’re able to contextualize everything that has happened within the grand scheme of your life so far. So I invite you to think about, let’s just even just stick with this just one year. Think about this last year, think about the tough things, think about the great things, think about all the things. What meaning would you like to make of this past year of your life? Like I said before, this past year for me has honestly been really freaking tough. Like so so, so so tough. And there was a point about halfway through this past year that honestly I began to wonder like why on earth everything was so hard. Why on earth I was even committing to this journey. Why on earth? I wasn’t there yet. It was totally that angsty again, even a little bit victory energy. It was all about why is this happening to me? And it was at that point about halfway through this honestly, really freaking tough journey. Well, I’m guessing halfway through, I hope that I’m on the other side of it. But it was at that about halfway point that I decided to really look at the things that had been quote unquote happening to me. I decided to actually look at the hard and the challenging things. And I actually, I went through month by month, I was like, ok, and this month this happened and this month, this happened and this month, this happened, I did this on the notes in my phone and I basically just was like, as I wrote out every single month, what I saw was quote unquote happening to me. They all began to take on a new meaning. And I realized that I was on a journey and not only was I was I on a journey, I was on a journey that I needed to be on. And that in many ways, a past version of Carly had asked me to be on and that in many ways, a future version of Carly needs me to be on. I could choose to see what was happening over this past year or over these past few months. I could choose to see it and make it mean that there was something negative about me, about my abilities, about the universe, about business, about whatever I could also choose to see that every single thing that had happened or hadn’t happened was actually preparing me to be able to be where I want to be. This all came full circle. Actually, when I was talking with one of my coaches, I said, I’ve really built up the capacity in this past year to resolutely hold onto my dreams while not needing them to happen on a certain timeline. Things that used to feel like failures because I didn’t create some result in some amount of time. I now actually have the capacity to keep going and to be excited about continuing the journey. And I know as soon as I said that even I was like, whoa, that’s huge because the only reason I’m able to say that and like say that so truthfully is because of the challenges that I’ve experienced in this past year. And because of the expansion that has happened organically as a result of all of the freaking tough things that I have been working through this past year, we get to make meaning of our reality. In fact, not only do we get to but like it literally is human nature to make meaning. We make meaning of everything, whether we are intending to make meaning or not, which means then that we have power to choose what meaning we want to make. So this very first step here in honoring the business that we have today is to look at what actually has happened. Where are you actually? And what are you going to make the journey to where you are today? Mean you get to choose what meaning you make of your present day reality and the journey that it has taken to arrive here. This is amazing context, right? But let’s go even deeper now. So often we find ourselves in this very angsty is the word I’m gonna use angsty business owner energy because in some way, we feel powerless to change our present reality. It feels like we’ve been working for so long and like for whatever reason, we just can’t get to where we wanna go. And so this next step is that I like to call ownership. Our last step was making meaning. This step is owning your ability to keep moving powerfully in the direction of your dreams, this sensation of powerlessness to change our present reality. Or to make things happen, that we want to happen on the timeline we want them to happen on is often the result of some when then thinking it’s all when I get there, then I finally will have the power to do more of the things that I want to do in the way I want to do them. When I get there, then I’ll have more money. When I get there, then I’ll have more time, then I’ll have more energy, then I will have more resources and therefore power to create the reality that I wish to create. But let’s listen to this logic here, right? Like let’s get curious because this wind then thinking is saying that in order for you to get to where you want to go, you need more resources. But it’s also saying that the only way that you can get access to those resources is by getting there obviously circular logic like that does not work. And thus the sensation of powerlessness that comes with this very angsty. Why am I not there yet? Energy? Which is why I want to actually turn our concept of resources a little bit on its head and invite you to take ownership of the resources that you have today resources that even simply in owning your access to them, you will find become massively integral in you being able to reclaim and continually tap back into your power and therefore also in your ability to be able to continue moving forward toward your dreams, toward your goals. First, I have to say some context here. So this concept of really taking ownership of our resources that we have available to us right now really is informed by two different sources. One is inspired by Ken Honda in his book, Happy Money. He likes that book. It was a good one. I think I’d recommend it in that book. He talks about how so many of us feel often really stressed about money because obviously we need money to survive in our society today. And so because of that stress because we need money to survive, we end up sacrificing relationships in order to make more money. But much like I’m inviting you to do today, he actually invites the reader to turn that whole dynamic on its head and instead of making more money, the priority over everything else because that is how you make sure that you are safe and that you survive. What if you focused on making real friends? Now? Of course, I say this with nuance. I think he did a decent job of saying it with nuance in his book as well. But the reason he says this is that in the case that you actually like had $0.00 money, if you had 52 friends, you would almost certainly be able to live with one of them every week for a year while you got back on your feet financially. So essentially in this book, Happy Money, Ken Honda, the author invites the reader to see relationships as assets just as much, if not more than financial assets. And to recognize that what if we stopped putting our sense of security and safety and ability to survive on money? But instead shifted some of that over to relationships again, I say all of that with nuance if I remember correctly, I think he says that with nuance in the book. But if there’s things you want to talk more about that, we can, we can definitely do that inside the big hearted entrepreneurs group. I really loved this thinking though honestly, when he first said it. But then a few months later, I read another book, The Soul of Money by Lynn Twist in which she shares a story of a woman who had been a stay at home mom for decades and who was going through a divorce in which she ultimately ended up with very little financial anything Lynn, the author shared a process that she led this woman through of realizing what assets she already did have, even though she didn’t have the financial assets that she was used to having from that marriage. And that honestly, this reading of this story and the reading of the whole book too, I I actually would recommend that book. I, I liked it a lot, but that story is what really ultimately crystallized this concept of owning the assets that we have at our disposal right now. So those are my kind of two contextual elements here that I’m bringing. I did not just like come up with this step here on my own. So let’s dive in part of honoring the business we have right now is taking stock of what assets and resources we do have available to us so that we can tap into these resources in order to continue building in the direction that we wish to build in and therefore that we can actually own what power we do have to change our reality to continue moving forward in the direction of our dreams. I have lots of examples of our assets and resources. We all. Yes, you as well. Me as well, everyone currently has access to. But before I share those, I actually want to invite you to ask yourself for ideas first. What assets and resources do you currently right now have available to you that can support you in making forward movement toward the business that you desire to have. What assets, what resources do you currently right now already have available to you. You’re welcome to even pause this episode if you want to give yourself a moment to think. All right, here are some assets and resources that I would bet anything you currently have available to you first, you have people who really truly do care about you and who love you unconditionally. Outside of money, much like Ken Honda talks about in happy money. I’d bet that if it really came down to it and you didn’t have any money or any means of making money, you could go and live with some human somewhere who loves you. They would put a roof over your head. Now, of course, you might not like having to live with them. You might not like the fact that this is what you quote unquote now have to do. But nonetheless, you would have a roof over your head. You would have food, you would have water, you would be safe. Can you take a moment to name each and every one of these people? And when you do, I invite you to actually really look at your list and own the huge gift that it is to have a list of people that if worse came to worst, you could ask them for support and know that they would be willing. Some might even love to provide that support. Next. You have the assets and the resources of your experiences in the story that Lynn twist told in the soul of money. The woman who had limited financial means also had a unique skill set honed over time as a mother, it was the ability to create children’s clothing. And when she stepped beyond the feeling of powerlessness at having no assets or resources or of feeling like she had no assets or resources, she was able to see this skill set and decide to do something with it. In her case, in this, as the story goes, she started a business that eventually, not overnight but eventually became enough to support her and her kids financially. So what experiences do you have? And there are probably things that just feel so natural and normal to you, but that actually are not something that everyone everywhere has or cares to tap into our focus on what experiences do you have that actually are assets and resources that can support you as you continue moving forward in the direction of your business dreams. Again, I’m going to invite you to name them. You might even want to choose to write them down. I don’t know, go grab a pen and paper or put it in your phone notes. One of my private consulting clients who’s been working with me for about a year and a half at this point has been on a journey throughout this time and really through this last year and a half, she’s been really figuring out what work it is that she even wants to be doing. She’s already been in business for many years. She’s consistently evolved more and more and more over that time in the direction of the business that she truly desires to build and the work she truly desires to do. But every single previous phase has ultimately found a natural ending point where it became a bit too constricting and it didn’t actually allow her to do her most powerful work. She is just coming to a moment right now where she’s realizing that the answer to what she truly wants to be doing has always been there. But it had been too obvious because it felt like, well, but doesn’t everyone like this as much as I do, doesn’t everyone think about this all the time like I do, doesn’t everyone do this as much as I do? But no, not everyone does. Not. Everyone is spending all of their free time thinking about that and researching it and creating coherent and meaningful thoughts about it. She has this asset of her life experiences that have all led her to this moment of clarity and she can now use that asset to truly go all in on the work that she most wants to be doing, which leads me to this. You have the assets and the resources of who you are. I would bet anything that you are a truly phenomenal human. I mean that seriously, I would bet anything that you are a truly phenomenal human and I would bet that you have some character traits and some attributes that are huge assets and resources to name a few. I bet you have kindness and empathy. If relationships are one of our biggest assets and resources, then kindness and empathy must also be part of that list because in order to build solid relationships. We need both kindness and empathy. I bet that you have experimentation and curiosity. The people who succeed gloriously at anything are the ones who got curious who played around with things who experimented? Who asked what if and then had the courage to figure it out to find out? What if I try that? What if I could do that? What if that was possible? I bet you also have resiliency and commitment. The thing that keeps you moving forward is you deciding to move forward and a decision to even just take one step is still moving forward. You absolutely are resilient, you absolutely are committed. I bet you have adaptability as we continue on this journey, things change because you only ever know what you know in this moment, you might do something and then soon after decide, oh, I don’t like doing that. And so you have to adapt. I bet you can name at least five moments where you have shown beautiful, powerful adaptability and an asset that I think is often underappreciated ironically. So is our ability to appreciate it’s gratitude. It is appreciation and literally appreciating things increases your experience of their value and therefore makes them even more valuable. Where do you think the concept of assets appreciating comes from? You have so many assets, so many resources available to you right now and this list that we’ve just compiled doesn’t even take into account things that are unique to you things that I don’t know about because maybe I don’t know you and I, even if I do know you, I don’t know that you’re listening to this. So I couldn’t tell you exactly what those things are because this is pre-recorded. And also it doesn’t take into account the courses you have access to the coaches or the mentors, you have access to the Facebook groups that you have access to where, you know, you could ask a question and receive some real honest in depth support. You have the asset and resource of podcasts like this one newsletters that you’re on at your fingertips, knowledge on search engines and so much more, you have so many assets and resources available to you right now that you can use that quite literally give you the power that you need to continue moving forward in the direction of your dreams. Even when right now things are really freaking tough. But often it’s because these assets are not the particular asset or resource that you feel like you don’t have. And or the one that you need right now, it’s easy to discount their power and then feel powerless. I don’t want you to do that anymore. I mean, I hope you don’t want to do that anymore. And part of honoring the business that we have right now, which again is a crucial step in being able to build the business that you wish to build, is owning the assets and the resources and making the most of the assets and the resources that you already have access to. The final step in honoring the business you have right now is to recommit again and again to the journey. Step one is making meaning and celebrating where you are right now. Step two is owning the assets you already have and step three is recommitting again and again to the journey. So much of our angst of not being there yet comes from the feeling that the real value of an experience is the result of it. I’m gonna say them again because this is important. So much of our angst about not being there yet comes from the feeling that the real value of an experience is the result of it. But I wanna ask you something and I really mean this with so much curiosity, how does being destination focused serve you and is being destination focused, serving you productively or unproductively? I don’t know about you, but I have tried the destination focused way of living. I have tried living for the results and you know what that does for me anyway, it leads me to burn out, leads me to breaking down. It leads me to building something in an effort to get there. That when I do get there, I wanna burn it down because really all I had built was a golden cage that I never wanted in the first place. But that I had only built in an effort to quote unquote, get there. This is why I commit again and again to the journey I commit again and again, to keep going 1 ft after another. Whether or not I get to where I want to go on the timeline, I think I should I commit again and again to moving forward at whatever pace, feels, self honoring and knowing that if I keep going, I will reach my desired outcomes, my desired goals, my desired destination or really destinations. Because when I get to one of them, there’s gonna be another one, I wanna get to one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in this past year is that when my commitment to the journey begins to falter, when my commitment, when I start to have doubts of like, oh, it’s not gonna happen or what if it doesn’t happen? Instead of seeing that as a sign that something must be wrong either with me or with the thing that I’m committing to, I can simply choose to recommit, I can simply choose to say I know that I’ve been doubting whether this end result is going to happen or really if it’s going to happen on the timeline, I think it should be able to happen on. I know that I’ve been doubting that I see that I honor that I recognize that. And I know that my commitment to achieving this result has been faltering because of my doubt. And I can choose though, in this moment, I have the power of choice, the power to choose in this moment to recommit, to achieving that thing and therefore to recommit to taking steps forward, to recommit to the journey. Every time I do this, you know what happens, I begin believing once again that achieving the result I desire is possible. And every single time that I recommit to that journey, my belief in my own abilities to accomplish said result is renewed and expanded. I used to see my faltering commitment, my doubt as a sign that oh, maybe it wasn’t the right thing or maybe I shouldn’t go after that. Now, I see my faltering commitment. I see my doubt that is all very normal parts of being a human being as normal parts of being a human being, but also as an opportunity to recommit. And now my recommitment that sometimes has to happen multiple times a day. But my recommitment actually is building my self trust. Whereas previously letting my commitments drop because of my doubts was diminishing my self trust. What goal or outcome or destination are you choosing to commit to? And therefore, what journey are you committing to? What journey will you commit to and recommit to again and again and again, when you commit to the journey, accomplishing the end result that you are looking for is a natural by-product of that journey. One of my coaches shared something with me that was a paraphrase off of another coach. I can’t remember who the other coach was, but the idea was that they would say something like I can tell whether a business owner will be successful simply by asking them how things are going in business. The people who respond, I’ve just launched a new website or I got a new client or, you know, I’m really feeling better about sales and marketing or whatever it is are the ones that will succeed. Whereas the people who say I’m still not at whatever that end result is, I’m still not booked out. I’m still not getting much engagement on my content. Those are the people that typically won’t go far in business. This is that trap of when, then when I am fully booked out, then I will feel successful when I reach a certain revenue goal, then I will take a break when Zen when that is a trap because it robs you of your joy today in an effort to have more tomorrow. But that is not how joy works. And the only place that we can find real joy is on the journey. It’s in the day to day. So yes, let your teenage, your angsty self huff and puff about not being there yet. Let them have a piggy party about how unfair it is that you have to do another hard thing, even though you haven’t seen the results you desire yet. Let them be angsty. But remember that you also have an adult self, your present day self who was capable of witnessing that teenage self in their angst, witnessing their desire to be there already. And who can love that angsty self, who can validate their feelings, but who is also so committed to this journey and so committed and willing to keep putting 1 ft in front of the other because you know that you will reach your goals simply for the fact that you kept going in this episode today. I’ve given you a three step process for honoring the business that you have today for honoring where you are right now. Even if where you are is not where you want to be ultimately my invitation to you is that every single time you find yourself huffing and puffing about how unfair it is, you have to do yet another hard thing. Every time you find yourself caught inside that when then trap, every time you find yourself trying to rush ahead, skip the process, just get there already. But you’ll do this practice, you’ll make meaning and celebrate where you are today. You will own your resources and assets and therefore your power to keep going and you will recommit again and again and again and so many times to the journey, you may even choose to listen to this episode in those future moments to remind yourself of what you are committing to and how you want to move through these angsty moments that again are so natural, so normal, such a just human experience that we all have as business owners, especially I believe in you. I am celebrating you big time for listening to this episode and for making this commitment, moving through this process of owning where you currently are. It’s from here, the place that you are in right now that you can actually get to where you going and do so sustainably without the act of getting there being the cause of you burning out, breaking down or wanting to burn everything down. You’ve got this.
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[Podcast Outro]
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